God gave me an oasis to refresh and rest from the desert I had walked for several months. I had been weary . . . so weary. The traumas of last winter had calmed . . . .my parents were doing much better with their health issues; I was accepting Mom Kloster’s passing and actually felt glad for her as I imagined her in heaven. I began to accept that my daughter was moving to TN. I wasn’t working 65 hours a week, and I wasn’t even writing. I was breathing . . . deep, tranquil breaths of life. I was abiding with God . . . how I had missed those long abiding times . . . in nature, over his Word, with music. God’s Spirit told me that he was giving me a season of refreshment and rest. I was grateful . . . so grateful.
During the months of July and August, I sat in the sun and soaked up vitamin D . . . .often by the pool where I would swim lazy laps. I read and read and read . . . in the hammock under the tree, in a recliner with a glass of lemonade, on the deck amongst the zinnias and hummingbirds that inhabited my yard, and in the woods. I can’t even tell you what all I read . . . I just kept reading . . . escaping . . . healing. In August, I felt the tension in my shoulders release. I began to laugh more often. I climbed out of my head and back into the lives of my friends and kids.
I named those eight months for what they were . . . depression. I knew it when I was in it, even though depression was pretty foreign to me. I knew it by the thought patterns and by the desire to just stay in bed. I had fought the darkness that wanted to settle over me in a cloud . . . countered the thoughts with Scripture and giving of thanks and walking . . . step by step by step. Very few people even knew I was functioning in a cloud. But God knew, and He knew I needed more, so in his love and mercy, he gave me this beauful oasis of time.
In Autumn, I was delighted to know that the oasis was continuing. I biked over trails in the forests, walked under the stars with my husband, and had coffee with my friends. I felt healthy and strong. I began intentionally ministering to college students and young adults, and there was joy in the serving. I joined the YMCA and a Bible study group that offered depth of thought and application. I began to wonder when the oasis would end. I knew it wouldn’t go on forever, because this is life . . . on earth.
A couple of weeks ago, the Spirit began to whisper to me. “I have renewed your strength just like I promised to do in Isaiah 40. Now mount up with wings like eagles, and soar.” God had met me like he had met Elijah in the cave of his despair. And like he had sent Elijah out again, he was sending me.
A few days ago I began to write again . . . and it was good . . . so very good . . . to return to my calling and purpose for this season of my life. As I glance back, I see that it was a beautiful oasis. I am so grateful for my time there, but now I am ready to journey again.
Today, my mom was admitted back into the hospital. In a few weeks, my daughter will pack up a trailer and all of her musical instruments, and we will drive her to TN . . . to live. But I am OK. The darkness is lifted. My soul is ready for the battle that is inevitable for I have been reminded . . . my sovereign God is in control of all things. He knows my every thought. He numbers the hairs on my head. He has a purpose for me to fulfill, and he alone will give me the strength to fulfill it. I will journey on until I reach my final destination on the other side of the Jordan where there will be no more sorrow, no more pain, no more suffering, and no more death.
And on that day, joy will be more than oasis of time....it will be eternity.